unexpected crazies

So I was just reading some of Josh's posts on Facebook. That kid has it figured out. I mean, the part about not really knowing what's going on, but somehow knowing we'll come through.
Believe you me, there are some things here that I never expected to happen. I didn't dream I'd be going to a dinner less than a month in to say goodbye to a fellow exchange student. I don't blame her in the least, but it scares me just a little. She's going home ASAP...what if I get to that point? I guess I know that I won't, but the possibility's out there, and it makes me question myself.
I also didn't expect to be bookless. How silly is that? I could just ask my mom to take me to a library, but for whatever reason, I haven't yet. And so, in these long days of no school, I'm watching TV, and studying. How very much unlike me, to watch so much TV. And most of it isn't even in Spanish! Yes, so I'm a little disappointed in myself, but on the whole, I'm just staying alive here.
Not that if I weren't watching TV I wouldn't be alive. No, I've very alive. Just sometimes, I want to do something.
Last year, Fernando ended almost every conversation with ''Call me. Let's do something.'' I think I know what he was feeling. It was so easy in Alaska to sit home and and just hang, with myself. But here, myself is so confused that I NEED to be with other people to feel normal.
Other things I didn't expect: well, this ''situation'' for one. Don't get me wrong, I'm not scared for my safety, but my perspectives are changing so much because of the fighting and news headlines and death counts (in Pando! Not where I am!)
Then my Spanish...ha ha, I don't know what I was thinking about Spanish. I think I'm doing pretty well now, but I can't help but think What If. What if my friends talked to me in Spanish, instead of English? What if I didn't watch any English TV? What if I wrote in my journal in Spanish instead of English?
I know this is a little more angsty than usual. Please don't freak on me, I'm not depressed or anything like that. Just thought you should know a little.
Anyway, I'm off to that goodbye dinner.
Much love,
I am yours,
Erika